I realized that I really haven’t written very much in quite a while, which saddens me, so I thought that tonight I would give it a go. I’m not feeling particularly creative tonight but I’m feeling nostalgic for times that were only two days ago and I have found myself longing for a person who no longer exists. You know, when you would literally do just about anything just to see them in that light again, have that irrevocable belief that they would never do you harm or try to hurt you. I find myself reveling in the warmth of those memories when he who I loved so deeply for so long, loved me back. These times may be romanticized in my mind but when I look back, I wear three pairs of rose-tinted glasses, and all is sublime.
I suppose the word I’m looking for could easily be sad and that’s all there is to it. But it is something more than that, something more uplifting.
I have loved and I suppose that I have lost. My father has always said to me:
Until the universe knows you can take it, it’ll keep throwing the same things at you, until you’re strong enough.
and I believe now that after six years of being so besotted with someone who is now gone, I will know when it is time to let go. There are certain things that I will never let go; family, true friends, all the memories, but slowly I’m giving it up. Albert Einstein said once: “If you want to live a happy life, tie it not to people or to objects, but to a goal.” and this is what I must do.
I’m running a 12k in five days I believe, I’m very nervous. But this is my new goal, focusing on my running and my own strengths before I fall victim to the fears and weaknesses of others. Goodnight world