Orbit

To forgive, forget, both or neither, has always

Been the challenge of my life, I am renowned

For my indecision, snaking rivers flow across

The map with which my mind is decorated, streams

Intersect with one another, the water of options

And ideas remain separate before the mouth,

And then merge similarly to the way you fall

Asleep – slowly, and then so swiftly that you

Could never see it coming. Each peculiar, individual

Thought manifests as a waterway in the crevasses

Of this brain, each its own colour, the rainbow

Shines in every lucid shade until the delta takes

Its innocence and everything is a murky brown,

The colour of the rain and the cold, ice forming

On the ocean that has so suddenly turned bitter,

I freeze in the frigid sea water and I can no

Longer decipher my own contemplations, all

Takes on this desperate russet gloom.

 

I never chose to forgive you, forget you, both or

Neither, as I was submerged and as I was you

Took your leave, these limbs as icicles fought hard

To reach out, but subservience to your memory

Kept them locked, I used to believe that my greatest

Challenge was my indecision but you made me

Change my mind. Solar winds exhaled onto these

Frosted eyelashes as I threw myself into space

And the lights opened these eyes, green to the

Orange of the sunlight, skin effervescently pale

Against the velvet black around it, the candles

Of heaven bright as ever, the moon hanging proud

And white, I knew that you would have loved it

Here tonight. Slowly, and then so swiftly I never

Saw it coming; I noticed that your words were

Greedy, never satisfied until my eyes bore tears

And my heart bled, not the colours of my mind

But the colour of yours, a single shade of gorgeous

Blood red, gorgeous only to you and the blush

Of sickness to the rest of this earth, tell me why

It humored you so to see me hurting. As the night

Grew old and I orbited, I grew to see you for what

You were and it showed me that my fault was not

That I would forgive, but that I would forget, so I

Scrawled on my skin with nails like pen nibs and

Pencil leads, something that would never let me

Forget the lesson that I so needed, we all so needed:

 

“Love not another, until you love yourself.”

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