Notes on boys who once loved you

A belated post, from a lifetime ago.

One. Their eyes will always shine differently when they see you, there still are shards of glass left in those irises from the day the car crashed and you decided to give up on them, you never got over watching him implode.

Two. It will never hurt less when you see them pass by, you feel his presence so strongly as he vibrates down your spine, he will never forget exactly how he got under your skin, you will remember the feel of his.

Three. His eyes on your body will never feel the same, once it held promise and a beautiful future whereas now it waxes and wanes through the bizarre spectrum of hatred to lust, do not believe either, you are more.

Four. Skip the songs that you heard with him, he never liked Stevie Nicks even when he said he did, there was a time when he would have said just about anything if he thought it would please you, maybe at some point he meant it.

Five. They will look better from a distance, teeth straighter and hair more perfectly wind-swept than it ever was up close, but do not forget to remember that your little sister said he was weird looking — and he is.

Six. When you are out on your bike and the breeze carries a scent that is all too familiar — hold your heart in place and your breath in your lungs, do not think of the way he would exhale, gently, as you sat together.

Seven. The nights you spent talking exist forever in the endless cycles of the universe, there is nowhere else for them to go, when you begin to feel sad by this boy who still loves you, remember that

Eight. As he was falling for you, you were not falling for him it was



Eleven. O’clock and you could not fall as you watched him love you over and over at



Two. AM and the Arctic Monkeys never reminded you of him, he was never your favourite song instead he was cheap radio replays and MP

Three. downloads no more than a distraction, a pick-me-up, let him think that he is in control

Four. this is the only way you know how to deal with boys who hear no and think yes but you walk away

Five. It is early. Walk in, chin up, you know he is watching.

Four. Unromanticize him, the boy you had but chose to do nothing with, remember that no does not make you a bad person

Three. Let go of every time he did make your heart skip, you were frightened, sometimes boys are bigger than you.

Two. Unhold his hand, he took yours and it is your right to pull away.

One. You are you, and he loved you for that.


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