the fact is that 

it was always you, you know.

who else could it ever
be? in this world of

blacks and whites my love you were

technicolor vibrancy,
you were and always

will be the moon when it rises 

and the stars when it


there are silent storms,

vast and engulfing, but

please, pretend you don’t 

see them. thunder rumbles,

silent as sin and lightning 

cracks just as invisibly as 

you wish it could, how can 

you shut your eyes to the

veritable collapse of these

castles; walls crumble and 

the grounds shake but you

stand still, still, remarkably 

still, how can I fall when you

are yet to even notice the 

rotation of this earth, how can

I move the mountains for you?
How can I be so desperately

concerned while you are so

desperately indifferent, have you

forgotten that this is the end,

have you forgotten that we will

never again be this way, this is

an extinction, the end of the

planet and an era, how can you 

fathom the depths of this ocean

when I can’t even sail it on a boat. 
This could be the end of forever, 

let me know if you

want to change that, I need 

you to want to change that, because 

I have never tired of you. I have

spent years by your side and have

never learnt to put up a guard, I

would never wish sadness upon

you my dear but please let me 

know, let me know that this is

hard for you too, so I can sleep

tonight and every night that we

spend apart, do not leave me to 

fight this alone. 


Please try to not forget that

I see you, each and every day. 

In every armchair I see all of

the stories you told, in every

teacup is the scalding brew 

you drank, in every outdoor 

endeavor is your disdain for the 

cold, but love of walking dogs,

of your breath in the air on frosty

mornings and the lights of the garden. 
Every television plays

a loop of Westerns and reruns 

of Irish standup comedy, on

every plate sits biscuits, every 

microwave is always set to two

minutes, for how could anything 

ever be warm enough until it

burnt through two towels and some

In every pair of hands 

I can’t help but see yours, 

turning newspaper pages, 

finishing crossword puzzles,

and perhaps what frightens 

me the most are the unfinished 

ones, that will now wait 

forever to be finished, always 

a piece missing, 
how desperately appropriate.


For a love of mine

When you remind me

to write, do not forget that

you are reminding

me to be myself.

To take my morning breath,

to make tea before

I fall asleep, to

face this world of hate, never

allowing the light

of blind optimism

be smothered by the smoke of

modernism, of “our times”,

because times are

changing and you need not

say it in words —

I doubt you could

string the sentence together,

stumbling over pride

— but I know that you

want the world that I see to be the

vision of tomorrow

for every one of us,

a utopia formed on charisma

and genuine goodwill

and for you, oh for you,

I will.

Aeroplane rides

I am so

tired but


evades me,

I can feel the shifts

in the earth as

the boundaries of body

disintegrate and I

become one with the

stars and the planets,

I flew all night in their

happy little wonderland

but a metal monster

brought me down to these

grasses, I am so


I sway

as if on

a boat, sailing

on oceans of

galaxies, on the

sea of a cosmos, I feel

much too big to be confined

to this small planet, make me

a star, the sun, the solar system

because I cannot find the edges

of myself, am I a person or these

bedsheets, tell me in the morning,

when I am less


Notes on boys who once loved you

A belated post, from a lifetime ago.

One. Their eyes will always shine differently when they see you, there still are shards of glass left in those irises from the day the car crashed and you decided to give up on them, you never got over watching him implode.

Two. It will never hurt less when you see them pass by, you feel his presence so strongly as he vibrates down your spine, he will never forget exactly how he got under your skin, you will remember the feel of his.

Three. His eyes on your body will never feel the same, once it held promise and a beautiful future whereas now it waxes and wanes through the bizarre spectrum of hatred to lust, do not believe either, you are more.

Four. Skip the songs that you heard with him, he never liked Stevie Nicks even when he said he did, there was a time when he would have said just about anything if he thought it would please you, maybe at some point he meant it.

Five. They will look better from a distance, teeth straighter and hair more perfectly wind-swept than it ever was up close, but do not forget to remember that your little sister said he was weird looking — and he is.

Six. When you are out on your bike and the breeze carries a scent that is all too familiar — hold your heart in place and your breath in your lungs, do not think of the way he would exhale, gently, as you sat together.

Seven. The nights you spent talking exist forever in the endless cycles of the universe, there is nowhere else for them to go, when you begin to feel sad by this boy who still loves you, remember that

Eight. As he was falling for you, you were not falling for him it was



Eleven. O’clock and you could not fall as you watched him love you over and over at



Two. AM and the Arctic Monkeys never reminded you of him, he was never your favourite song instead he was cheap radio replays and MP

Three. downloads no more than a distraction, a pick-me-up, let him think that he is in control

Four. this is the only way you know how to deal with boys who hear no and think yes but you walk away

Five. It is early. Walk in, chin up, you know he is watching.

Four. Unromanticize him, the boy you had but chose to do nothing with, remember that no does not make you a bad person

Three. Let go of every time he did make your heart skip, you were frightened, sometimes boys are bigger than you.

Two. Unhold his hand, he took yours and it is your right to pull away.

One. You are you, and he loved you for that.