And when was the last time

That you revelled

Truly revelled

In the infinite possibility

Of this life.

Because I’ve started doing it

Every day

And from a night that I

Thought never ending

The sun has shown her

Face over a horizon once

Frozen solid, and ever so

quietly said:

“Welcome home;

I’ve waited for so long.”

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nearly two years

there are silent storms,

vast and engulfing, but

please, pretend you don’t

see them. thunder rumbles,

silent as sin and lightning

cracks just as invisibly as

you wish it could, how can

you shut your eyes to the

veritable collapse of these

castles; walls crumble and

the grounds shake but you

stand still, still, remarkably

still, how can I fall when you

are yet to even notice the

rotation of this earth, how can

I move the mountains for you?

How can I be so desperately

concerned while you are so

desperately indifferent, have you

forgotten that this is the end,

have you forgotten that we will

never again be this way, this is

an extinction, the end of the

planet and an era, how can you

fathom the depths of this ocean

when I can’t even sail it on a boat.

This could be the end of forever,

let me know if you

want to change that, I need

you to want to change that, because

I have never tired of you. I have

spent years by your side and have

never learnt to put up a guard, I

would never wish sadness upon

you my dear but please let me

know, let me know that this is

hard for you too, so I can sleep

tonight and every night that we

spend apart, do not leave me to

fight this alone.

I will never

begrudge you, these last six months

where we both knew we were

slow dancing in a burning room,

waiting for the walls to collapse,

there is no moment of this love that

I would regret, I mean how could

I resent a love that was like breathing,

that was like two years of the moment

where you get into bed after a long,

long day, and there is no atom that

could ever want to be

anywhere else.

Perhaps the most disturbing part

of it all, is how suddenly memory

foam turns to concrete, and how

desperately you want those silk

sheets to stop feeling like you’re

lying in tin foil, were you deluding

yourself? No, not at all,

it is remarkable what the human

mind can do when it wants

something to work so badly,

when the overwhelming fear of

failure that you never knew you

had kicks in and all of a sudden

two years have passed.

It is almost shocking, looking

at pictures of you with your head

that some other girl shaved, to think

that I really knew I would marry you

one day, to have laid the stones on

the path to forever, to have almost

set my dreams aside to make space

for yours, to have given up Paris,

New York, New Orleans, for the

little town that existed only in your

mind and your childhood, too small

for a girl who stands 5’10” in stature

and infinite in possibilities.

how you can make me feel these

tidal waves of guilt, for the one

night of rough seas you were made

to endure, please take my apology.

I was supposed to be a lagoon for

you, blue in all my perfection, a

harbour to moor and heal, shelter.

You forget I have storms of my own,

too.

from all the gaps between

all the planets, all the spaces

between fingers and between

universes, there is nothing

further apart than this moment

from the moment that came

before and maybe this is why I

miss you so much. Not because

you are far from me, no, I see

you over my shoulder in all the

quiet moments, I smell you on

the shirts of friends and on the

hands of my grandmother, but

because the moments after you

have suddenly burst back in to

life, a fireball of memory, the

cornucopia of a childhood,

adolescence and brief adult

life that I was so lucky to share

with you, the moments that

come after these remind me

that there is nothing further

away, nothing in this world, in

this life, than the moment once

it has passed.

one day you’ll wake up

and you’ll realize that

when you sleep, the two

of you breathe in time,

like tides of the ocean, he

is the moon that guides 

the sea and you are the

sun that governs his days

and nights, inhale for the 

sunrise in reds and yellows,

exhale for the dusk, purples 

and blues, he likes every 

shade of you, and will 

love every color to come. 

9:12

the fact is that 

it was always you, you know.

who else could it ever
be? in this world of

blacks and whites my love you were

technicolor vibrancy,
you were and always

will be the moon when it rises 

and the stars when it
sets. 

Seeing

Please try to not forget that

I see you, each and every day. 

In every armchair I see all of

the stories you told, in every

teacup is the scalding brew 

you drank, in every outdoor 

endeavor is your disdain for the 

cold, but love of walking dogs,

of your breath in the air on frosty

mornings and the lights of the garden. 
Every television plays

a loop of Westerns and reruns 

of Irish standup comedy, on

every plate sits biscuits, every 

microwave is always set to two

minutes, for how could anything 

ever be warm enough until it

burnt through two towels and some

denim?
In every pair of hands 

I can’t help but see yours, 

turning newspaper pages, 

finishing crossword puzzles,

and perhaps what frightens 

me the most are the unfinished 

ones, that will now wait 

forever to be finished, always 

a piece missing, 
how desperately appropriate.