there are silent storms,
vast and engulfing, but
please, pretend you don’t
see them. thunder rumbles,
silent as sin and lightning
cracks just as invisibly as
you wish it could, how can
you shut your eyes to the
veritable collapse of these
castles; walls crumble and
the grounds shake but you
stand still, still, remarkably
still, how can I fall when you
are yet to even notice the
rotation of this earth, how can
I move the mountains for you?
How can I be so desperately
concerned while you are so
desperately indifferent, have you
forgotten that this is the end,
have you forgotten that we will
never again be this way, this is
an extinction, the end of the
planet and an era, how can you
fathom the depths of this ocean
when I can’t even sail it on a boat.
This could be the end of forever,
let me know if you
want to change that, I need
you to want to change that, because
I have never tired of you. I have
spent years by your side and have
never learnt to put up a guard, I
would never wish sadness upon
you my dear but please let me
know, let me know that this is
hard for you too, so I can sleep
tonight and every night that we
spend apart, do not leave me to
fight this alone.
I will never
begrudge you, these last six months
where we both knew we were
slow dancing in a burning room,
waiting for the walls to collapse,
there is no moment of this love that
I would regret, I mean how could
I resent a love that was like breathing,
that was like two years of the moment
where you get into bed after a long,
long day, and there is no atom that
could ever want to be
anywhere else.
Perhaps the most disturbing part
of it all, is how suddenly memory
foam turns to concrete, and how
desperately you want those silk
sheets to stop feeling like you’re
lying in tin foil, were you deluding
yourself? No, not at all,
it is remarkable what the human
mind can do when it wants
something to work so badly,
when the overwhelming fear of
failure that you never knew you
had kicks in and all of a sudden
two years have passed.
It is almost shocking, looking
at pictures of you with your head
that some other girl shaved, to think
that I really knew I would marry you
one day, to have laid the stones on
the path to forever, to have almost
set my dreams aside to make space
for yours, to have given up Paris,
New York, New Orleans, for the
little town that existed only in your
mind and your childhood, too small
for a girl who stands 5’10” in stature
and infinite in possibilities.